I have a crazy friend named Wilx. He sees himself as budding Hunter S. Thompson, although I think HST would agree that he's delusional. Anyway, he moved to Hawaii, which is part of some "plan" nobody has managed to figure out, and stopped talking to most of his friends. I hear he still talks to his enemies, a bunch of men who wear pantyhose, but I have no independent verification of this.

Wilx is infamous for saying things that make no sense, writing things that make even less sense, and somehow managing to consistently (and thoroughly) contradict himself. He is masterful at doing so in written, spoken, or electronic form, and sometimes a combination of all three. So, it was bound to happen eventually. After two marathon days at work combined with some hardcore sleep deprivation, I descended into the crucible of insanity that is e-mail correspondence with Wilx. I have no idea where this journey will end.

Hopefully not the donkey show. That would really suck.

From: dialtone <dialtone69 at hotmail dot com>

To: wilx <wilx at wilx dot org>

Date: 5-3-02

Subject: RE: Slitting your fucking throat



    We have business to discuss. It's of vital importance. Enough excuses. I 

    know what's really going on. GOOD GOD MAN! WHAT THE FUCK IS GETTING INTO 

    YOU! YOU'RE DRINKING MAI TAIS ON THE BEACH OR AT LEAST sucking the entrails 

    of COCKROACHES into a HALLUCINOGENIC FRENZY. what in the WORLD do I have to 

    DO to get a GODDAMNED SHIPMENT OF MILLET?!? IF you RECALL, if you're NOT TOO 

    BUSY drinking WOOD ALCOHOL, you were supposed to set up the deal with 

    anubis503. So instead of MILLET, I get a WEB PAGE: 

    http://anubis503.netfirms.com/ 

    

    WHAT THE HELL!!! YOU'RE INVOLVING A TOTAL RAVING LOON OR AT LEAST SOMEONE 

    WHO'S HEAVILY RETARDED IN OUR OPERATIONS?!! I'm simply AMAZED. I bet you're 

    in line with those cocksuckers at Sprint. They're raising my bill by $2.37 a 

    month. INCIDENTALLY EXACTLY THE DOLLAR VALUE OF THE MILLET YOU *STILL* OWE 

    ME. don't think you can blame this on Germans. I'll send TRON after you. 

    He's in Hawaii, you know. I'LL GET MY MILLET IF I HAVE TO CUT YOUR HAIR INTO 

    A MULLET. 

    

>Dear lord man! My phone has been on the fritz.. fucking krauts

>cant set up a goddamn wireless voice thing to save thier

>miserable beer soaked lives. Anyway, yeah, my voicemail box

>was misprogrammed and they failed to transfer my plan, and

>there was all sorts of trouble. The job search is going well

>over here. They are really hurting for tech workers, and one place

>gave me an on the spot interview, and I think I really impressed

>them. Anyway, I might work on getting  a drivers liscense over

>here so I can drive when I get back over there. Bwahaha!

>So uhh.. you want to see those party pics?

>

>http://www.techgoon.com/party/mjspartypics.html

>

>Hopefully it wont jepordize our illusion of anonymity. GAR!!!

-> Chapter 2: Piss and Mullets